I’m just about to head out to grab some food. I’m craving for something sweet like bakeries, which I’ve been avoiding since a long time. But once in a while you’ve to let go and just satisfy yourself. Just do it and get over it. And that’s what I’ll do.
Just as a side note. I’m currently in Chiang Mai in Thailand. It’s sunset time and I can literally watch the sky lighting up while writing these lines from my desk. Actually it’s not my desk. Almost nothing here belongs to me. It’s a friends place and its gorgeous. 6th floor surrounded by nature. I can see the mountains all along the horizon. I can see the sun rise on one side and set on the other. Though to be fair, the sunset happens behind the big mountain and I can only see the sky. Still, incredible.
I’m very grateful that I could spent the last 6 weeks here. Such a stunning place to live. Still I’m not happy. Even though I spent those last weeks figuring out what I want I’m writing without conclusion.
I feel lost. I’m living the good life, at least from the outside. But inside, I don’t. Something is missing. A goal to reach. I’m idle as I don’t count looking for the goal as actually being active. I feel almost useless to the world right now. What value do I add being here?
Yes I still manage my project in Kenya and did a lot of work for it but I feel it doesn’t lead me anywhere. Why do I feel like that?
At the same time I’m running out of money. Soon I’ll be broke. I know so many things, I’ve learned so many skills. Still, I’m not earning any money.
After weeks of thoughts I’m currently thinking it’s because I don’t want to start the wrong thing. I want to make money with something I enjoy. Something I can be proud of. Something I can present to the world. And something that actually changes the world.
I don’t want to make just money. I want to create impact.
But whom can I help if I’m broke?
I know I need to start walking towards something. Everything else will just fall into place. My mind is confused. I’m stuck even though I have all the options in the world.
Time to eat.