I am not who I think I am

By Torsten


April 18, 2017

This might seem a bit of a random order, but I’ve to plug this here just now. I’m back in Cape Town since 20th March, after an epic experience with Nomad Convoy. After recovering for a week or so, I flew to Durban to become a Secret Sunrise Instructor. We had an uber magical time out there!! Then back in the mothercity for a few days, before we head out into the Karoo desert to help building the Tree of Life – Yggdrasil. We spent a week out there and are now just back in Cape Town again.

There’s lots to tell about the surreal experiences of the last few month and I really want to make time to write things down. And I will. But for now I can only give you this much. My life is surreal and I’m very aware of and grateful for it. I’m living my best possible life. I’m constantly surrounded by extremely special humans and picturesque, jaw-dropping nature. I’m free like a bird. And I’m finally ready to own that I am beautiful. I’ve gotten countless compliments for my eyes, my hair, my smiles, my drive and passion, my attitude to life and so many other things and yes, I’m always blushing and almost out of words when it happens. But it’s time to own it. Without arrogance, I’m proud and grateful for who I am and I highly appreciate compliments coming my way.

I am truly happy. Nevertheless I’m also facing low time. And those times are needed to learn and grown and I’m aware of it.

I am not who I think I am.

To get to the point of this post. Yesterday I smoked  two J’s here with friends and suddenly took off onto a really spacey trip. It started by us practicing to say “I am not who YOU think I am”. At first it seems weird and pointless to say. But once I tried saying it to someone, I quickly realized how difficult it is to say. After saying it once, I tried to say it in a difference accent. Suddenly I spoke in dozens of accents and it’s mind-opening to observe myself, trying to find my true self. Try to say it with your honest voice. Own it. It’s tough but once I got through, it’s absolute liberating.

The next thing that popped into my mind was if I even know who I am? So I started saying “I am not who I think I am” to myself. Suddenly, after every sentence, my mind reacted and basically notified me that the voice I just used to say it, wasn’t my real voice. When I say notified, I mean that I felt it. So I said it again in a slight different voice and I was sure that this time I speak from my true self. But the same thing happened again. I felt that this wasn’t me. So I did it again, and again, and again…. until I realized that it’s a catch 22. It’s never ending. It’s infinite. And if that’s true, then it means that I truly don’t know who I am. And that no one knows who I am, nor who they themselves are. But it also seems to open the possibility to choose who you want to be. Who do you really want to be at that moment. What kind of personality do you choose to be?

My thoughts just brought me back into some correlated processes that I’ve analyzed recently. One being the fact that my body, and all your bodies, regenerate themselves within a 7 year period. Basically in that time, every single cell of your body was replaced at least once. Knowing that, and knowing that we can truly choose who we are, crystalizes an idea that I’ve had since quite a long time; That we can truly choose how we want to look like, what energy we want to vibrate, what life we want to live.

Personally I made the decision to be who I have become, a few years back. I’m now a hot, sexy, great looking male and I’ve had to learn how to handle all that female energy coming my way. Now I’m naturally attracting loving, beautiful people around me. My face, my eyes, my hair, my body… my voice and especially my vibrational energy changed drastically over the last few years. I subconsciously reprogrammed the building blocks of my human body and was rebuilt in the way I imagined myself.

I’m not fixed on any idea, and I might be wrong with this. But, until someone can prove it to be different, or I learn about new perspectives that don’t align with this, I will hold this as my truth: We create ourselves and our reality. We are the creator.

On the flip side, in the scale of the universe; We are nothing.

A genius can hold two opposing ideas in his mind at the same time.

~ I am nothing & I am everything ~

Deep stuff.

I’m back in Cape Town until Sunday, when we will return into the desert for the week I’ve been waiting for for many years: Africa Burn. And heck I’m excited!

Love and light,



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