Challenging my ego

By Torsten


October 2, 2017

Something happened yesterday and today within me. As if the conclusion I drew on Saturday doesn’t satisfy me. I had doubts if I am actually good in the area of marketing and strategy. It’s fear trying to influence me. But maybe it’s also intuition. Though this could also be a bias that I have. One that keeps holding me back from taking action. Never satisfied with any strong direction. Always wanting to keep things flexible and afloat. But I’ve to find the balance. Or even better, something I learned yesterday from the TV series Scorpions (Yes, I love it!). Believe it or not, but there’s wisdom in it here and there. You just need to look out for it.

In a moment when it seemed like a strong decision was needed, one that decided over loosing some lives for the sake of others, someone said something along the lines of: “When it seems that you are only left with 2 right options, don’t settle on either. Look deeper, until you find the way to get the best of both”. We are only limited by our believes. If we believe there are only 2 options and we must settle on one of them, than that’s what we will have to do. But if we believe there’s got to be a way to do both, then we allow our mind to work on a solution to do just that. Never limit your believes and never settle on something that doesn’t feel right.

Another thing that I realized while watching Scorpions (Just google it, it’s awesome) is that I really enjoy to work in a great team. In a team where each person is brilliant in his/her strength. I want to be surrounded and work with the most amazing team and achieve greatness together. This is something I deeply feel is missing in my life. Though only partly. We’ve got a great team in Kenya and I really enjoy moving mountains with them. Our challenges are great, we go through tough times but we always have things to celebrate.

But for my future I’m not satisfied with this work alone. I’m too interested into technology, the blockchain, AI and so on to just work ground operations in Kenya. I feel what I really want is to be part of a team that creates tech that changes the world. And/or that creates products or services that do. Which brings me back to my consultancy firm idea. It doesn’t really sound fun if I think about it that way. Well, if I think about it the “usual” consultancy way. Though it could be incredible. We could have this ingenious team that gets really challenging projects/ problems to solve. We’ve to do some serious research inside out to understand the whole of things and then get together to nail down the solutions and/or ideas and work out strategic plans to realize them. No matter how impossible they seem. If I go that direction, it needs to be cutting edge stuff and I’ll need a team of people way smarter then me in all kinds of areas.

Thinking these things through over the last days/ weeks I must say I more often feel like that my ego is still very strongly invovled in forming my ways forward. It really doesn’t want me to work for anyone else. It doesn’t want me to join an existing team. With exceptions depending on terms that don’t touch my freedom. I want to be the creator, the founder of it. Work for myself, my creation. It’s the ego in me speaking now. I can feel it. And there is more to say. I want to be acknowledged for my achievements. Recognized as the rainbow warrior I am. Why is that? Where is this thirst for recognition coming from? Or better said, how come that I have seemingly little control over these parts of my mind? Do I need to feel ashamed about this? Yes, I am not mother teresa. I am not someone who is giving up everything for the sake of others. But I am someone who is willing to do what it takes to make this world a better place. But then, when you say “what it takes”, doesn’t that imply that you would do anything? Then that sentence is untrue. I wouldn’t. I’ve my limits. Or maybe not. I’m trying to think of any limitations but I can’t find any. I know I would always to what it takes. No matter how high the stakes are. As long as I know it’s the right thing to do, I will do it.

That’s crazy. I am not who I think I am. Remember? It was in one of my older posts from beginning of this year. We are even biased by ourselves. And that person in the mirror is actually quite different from what we think.

Back to my ego. My thoughts right now trying to make sense of what I just wrote above. Trying to figure out why this is part of me and if it is something I’ve to work on, or if it is something that belongs right there, and helps me to move and to push.

Is my so called ego maybe just my intuition? Am I just meant to do my own thing? But remember, the only way we can achieve greatness is by standing on the shoulders of giants. We have to learn from others. It’s crucial. And by joining companies you will learn way more about business and what ever their speciality is, then by trying it yourself. Or at least I believe you will learn way faster. Though that’s also up for discussion. It really depends. So this whole argument is worthless.

Again, why do I want recognition? If I ask myself that way my first thought is, I don’t. I just feel that I am meant to lead, that I am meant to be a public figure, that I am meant to achieve greatness. The result will be recognition. So it’s not my goal at all. It’s a byproduct that just happens. Do I want it? Yes, because I think I can do big things with it. It’s a tool.

Interesting where all this leads to right now. I enjoy writing in flow.

There’s a side in me that like to be part of other companies/ organizations for a limited period of time. Just to get in, learn their ways, improve what and where I can, and move on. Almost like a catalyst. And it’s a win win win. I win by learning new things all the time, they win by getting a big push forward, and the world wins, as everything I touch must make a positive impact.

Now we come full circle with the consultancy idea. A company like that would allow me just that. And if we would have a seasonal headquarters somewhere we could work as a great team and move mountains, while being location free, enjoy our world.

Plus there’s even more in it. The exposure to all these different business around the world will give us tremendous inspiration. And one day the big idea will arise. The one that will be the seed for one of the greatest companies/ organizations ever built.

Remember that school corridor. You can only see the door at the end of the corridor, but once you start walking towards it, you start to see other corridors on the left and right side. New options only arise when you start walking.

Not that I ever stopped walking. Well, I guess in financial terms I did. And for that area it’s important to start walking again.

And I will. I do.



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